Motherhood is a joyful journey, but for many, it can also be a time of deep isolation and fear —especially when trauma and anxiety become part of the experience. Today, we’re sharing the story of a mom who faced these struggles head-on. Her story serves as a powerful reminder of how vital a caring community can be. For this mom and many others, our programs like Beyond Delivery provide a gentle yet life-changing connection to make sure that no mom has to face these challenges alone.
Here is Amanda’s story:
“My first pregnancy was very good; I was excited, scared, all the typical first time mom emotions. However, being new to the area I had not made any connections for support and was fairly uneducated on birth and babies.
Truly, I didn’t know I needed extra support, I had built a lot of confidence in myself that all things to do with babies and motherhood would magically pop into my head once he was born.
Well, no.
After he was delivered I was shaken to reality when he was taken to the NICU for breathing struggles, and I really began to lose all sense of confidence and knowledge of what I thought I knew. I had no plan, I missed the golden hour that I assumed would take place, and so many tiny actions that were unexpected chipped away at my confidence and built walls of anxiety. I went home feeling like I was not supported, and was worried about the treatments Ezra had to go through. I was so anxious, in fact, that I stayed in the car for his two day appointment. I stayed home for the full first six weeks. I cried, rocked, prayed, and tried my best to sleep sometimes in this isolated bubble I was building.
I realized how isolated and out of control I felt when we saw Ezra in the NICU for the first time. The nurse told me I could change his first diaper, but my hands were shaking so hard I couldn’t do it. He looked like a beautiful fragile doll that was not my own but I felt the need to be close to desperately. I was unable to care for him the way I wanted or expected to.
Fast forward to baby number two.
I was very anxious but wanted this experience to be better and much different. My two are 23 months apart, so all of this was happening quickly. I chose to go with a midwife in a birth center so that I had confidence in an unmedicated experience but had a medical emergency safety net.
This pregnancy was harder but healthy. I delivered at 41 weeks. All 9lbs 1oz of Malakai came into the world in about an hour and a half of labor. Thank the Lord he was so healthy because it took me 45 minutes to deliver my placenta.
I was losing consciousness, couldn’t hear, and couldn’t see.
I do not remember much from this time, but I know I hemorrhaged and lost 2.5 liters of blood before I sat up to force my placenta out.
After all this, I tried for six hours to get out of bed and move, but I couldn’t without starting to lose consciousness and feeling weak. They transferred me to the hospital, where they discovered two large clots that had kept me alive by blocking more blood flow. Had they moved at all, I likely would have died. They manually removed the clots, and I received two blood transfusions all with Malakai by my side.
These two very different experiences left massive mental hurdles.
I felt betrayed by the system that I thought would take care of me and my family.
I didn’t fully accept that I needed support until much, much later in my postpartum journey. I actually believe help found me before I really knew how much I needed it. But I wish so much I had it right from the start.
At six weeks postpartum with my first, Katie from Fit Mommy Charleston asked me to photograph their party and I thank God she got me out of the house this way. It was so hard to leave, bring Ezra with me, and try to finally exist in the world.
This was my door to the community, where I slowly emerged from my shell.
But even still, three years later, I wrestle with what I went through and what I felt. The total inadequacy even when other moms talked me through it was so overwhelming. I thank God He led me to the community that built me up.
I discovered Postpartum Support Charleston through the annual Mom’s Run 5k. It was a great way for me to find support in an environment that was motivating and it felt like walking into a warm hug of supportive and understanding individuals.
I am still a work in progress, but I know now the value and significance of being the village for moms new, second, or third time alike.
I am a mom who had a lasagna brought to my door after Malakai, and the value of feeling cared for and less alone is so priceless.
If you feel like there is nowhere for you to go, and you’re struggling to navigate this experience of motherhood, know that community can be just on the other side of your door. The first days, or maybe even weeks can be so hard, but maybe the first step is accepting help and seeking out something as simple as a lasagna to be your bridge to community.
I know now that being fully honest with my struggles is the doorway to support. I communicate deeply with my family, moms who I have met that experienced other traumas, and my church especially to be my village of support. Pouring as much as I can into supporting other moms is also a two way street to feeling less isolated.
Motherhood is so beautiful and full of so much joy, but it is truly one of the hardest things to face in the world, especially when you feel alone.
Now, when I feel weak, the community I seek out will be my strength.
It is vital to have your mind at peace, and that is a day by day practice. Moms who are struggling unfortunately often go unnoticed, and without help they may just lose themselves entirely. There is so much value in seeking out those who are so busy trying to hold their world together on their own, and simply being someone who can understand and be a shoulder to lean on.
Never underestimate the value in being someone’s village in such a fragile time of life.”
Amanda’s journey through postpartum anxiety has been a challenging but transformative experience. Now, as she reflects on her healing, she feels called to give back and raise awareness for maternal mental health.
To do this, Amanda created a sketch to symbolize the importance of support during the postpartum period.
With Amanda’s vision in mind, we partnered with local artist Jaimelyn Sapienza, who transformed the sketch into a stunning design. This meaningful artwork is now available on shirts and sweatshirts in our store linked here >> Online Store. Proceeds will directly support our programs, helping more moms find their way to “the village” they need.
We are so grateful to Amanda for sharing her story and her creativity to make a difference. Together, we can continue spreading awareness and support for moms in our community.
