It all starts when we find out we are pregnant.
You know, the feeling that we have as mothers to make the memories for our family. We start planning the gender reveal or the baby shower. We start decorating the nursery and buying the baby gear that will ultimately help our baby have a smooth entrance into this world.
And the memory making doesn’t stop there. In fact, it continues and gets even heavier as our children get older.
But, what if it didn’t have to get heavier. What if we could have a conversation about this idea of being the Memory Maker and instead of it being a burden, it can be something that brings us joy.
What does it mean to be a memory maker?
Being a memory maker simply means that you are tasked with the job of helping make wonderful, lifelong memories for your child. This can be something that you do on your own or something that you and your partner do together, but all in all, it can be stressful.
Making memories can range from providing the best meals, hosting the best birthday parties, giving the best Christmas gifts or keeping up with the endless activities that are available to children here in Charleston.
When we think of making memories, we are inevitably comparing ourselves to other moms. You know, the friends you see on Instagram that post the most perfect family portraits (that, btw, involved tears, bribery and lots of not perfect pictures too). We have FOMO when we see other moms posting pictures of the things they are doing with their children and this leads to guilt.
Guilt that we aren’t doing enough.
Guilt that we aren’t making these memories with our own kids.
Guilt that our children are missing out.
And this guilt leads to us pushing ourselves beyond our limit just to be able to make these memories for our little ones.
How can I make this job less stressful?
I’m here to tell you that being the Memory Maker doesn’t have to be stressful. Sure, we have to take some time to think about these memories, but doing so in a thoughtful and intentional way can help reduce the stress of making memories.
1. Work smart, not hard.
When we think of memories, we often think about photos. You know, the picture books and the baby books that we spend endless hours making? This might be something that really brings you joy, but often times, we put stress on ourselves to gather the photos and spend endless hours organizing and creating these memory books.
How about we start working smart and not hard. There are so many apps and websites our now that help you make these books! I won’t list any because there are many, but google baby book maker and you will find them! These apps will allow you to upload pictures and it also prompts you to add them if you’ve forgotten! Like I said, work smart, not hard. There are also apps and websites that you can turn children’s art work into a photo book, if this is something that you would like to do.
2. Involve your friends and family.
Making memories for your child doesn’t have to land on you, solely. Involving your friends in helping make these memories can be a great way for you to find fulfillment, too! Call up a friend next time you plan to go somewhere and make these memories together!
Another thing we love here at Postpartum Support Charleston is getting the mom in the picture. The literal picture. We hardly have any photos of our children with us, so ask your partner, family and friends to take pictures of you with your little one. You can even set up your camera at home while you and the children are doing every day things and take a video. Trust me, you’ll look back on it in several years and be so glad you were in the picture.
3. Put away social media and be present.
This goes back to the comparison trap that we find ourselves in. If you get triggered by seeing other moms doing all the fun things with their little ones, don’t look at social media! I know it’s a habit for many of us, myself included, to scroll through social media. But when you start thinking that your life has to look like somoene else’s on social media, it can get icky. Comparing ourselves to the photos and videos that other moms post is not fair for us. We don’t see the whole picture of their lives and the many stressful moments that led up to the rainbows and butterflies that they post.
So, my advice is to put it down. Put away your phone and be with your child. Take a break from the scrolling and play with your little one. We can spend all day comparing ourselves to others and not living our lives.
You are the best mom for your little one and being present with them is the best way to make memories.
4. Ask yourself, “Does this bring me joy?”
This one is so important. Does this activity that you are doing to make memories really bring you joy? Or maybe it’s something you think you have to be doing because society tells you so. Or maybe your family is telling you so.
Stop and think to yourself. Really dig deep and find out if the memory you are making is going to be a good one or not. And if you aren’t sure if it will bring you joy, then know that you don’t have to participate.
For example, does going to the big water park this summer bring you joy? Does spending the day at the pumpkin patch bring you joy? Does baking with your little one bring you joy?
You might say yes to all of these. Or you might say no. We are all different people and we have to find what is best for ourselves in these moments of making memories.
5. Ask yourself, “Does this bring my child joy?”
I think this last question is key. Often times we think that activities are going to bring our children joy when in fact, they don’t. And maybe this isn’t something we find out until we are in the activity itself and realize that our children are unhappy.
But take a moment to think and even ask your little one if they are old enough if they are interested in an activity. Maybe they don’t want a huge birthday party that is going to overwhelming. Maybe they don’t want to take a trip to the zoo because it’s too hot.
Taking time to think about this will really help in the long run. There’s no sense in making memories with our little ones that they are going to remember as unhappy experiences or that we are going to look back at photos from and remember a tough time.
All in all, take time to think about the memories that you want to make. Involve others in this process so that you aren’t the only person in this role of memory maker.
And most importantly, know that you are the best mom for your baby, no matter what memories you make or don’t.