Mom Mentor Alye Duncan shares her story of suffering from postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety and intrusive thoughts after the birth of her second child. She wants other moms to know they are not alone and they will be OK.
Yesterday the man came to fix the door. The bathroom door that had to be kicked down on January 2, 2018, while I was trying to kill myself. My kids were 10 months and 4.5 years old. Maybe we waited so long because I didn’t want the door fixed. I wanted to go back in time and fix everything myself.
I suffered from postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety and intrusive thoughts after the birth of my second child. I was trying to hold down a full-time job in the beginning and exclusively breastfeed. It was more than I could do. My husband worked nights and my baby had (we would later learn) sleep apnea and night terrors. The baby and I were up most of the night, most nights. It was unbearable.
I had a support system but I have always been afraid of asking for help too often or being dependent on other people too much. I didn’t know what a night nurse was and I did the best that I could do. I look back at that time of my life and while I am so thankful it is over, I wish I could go back so badly and do it over. Scream out that I needed help. Mostly for my 4.5 year old. He saw me at my worst. Unable to be the mother that I once was to him temporarily. Sad, emotional, and mostly, very angry.
We are currently all still healing from that time. I am seeing a therapist virtually. We do traditional talk therapy but also EMDR to try to make my feelings and memories about the newborn stages with my second baby less traumatic. For me, for a long time, I felt very guilty that I wasn’t all I could be to both children. I wouldn’t wish postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety on any mother.
My message to new mothers is this: It is going to be OK. You are going to be OK. Your children are going to be OK. This is not the new you, this is temporary. You are exactly what your children need all the time. You don’t have to do everything. It’s OK. Ask for help. Ask for it often and too much, because the people that love you will always be there. Please don’t give up.
My children are 3.5 and 7 now. This is the happiest I have ever been. They are more independent and are sleeping through the night every night. It gets so much better! Babies are difficult. You don’t have to enjoy every second. Just please don’t give up. I am now so thankful for my husband, my best friends, my family, and my neighbors, who were always there and I am so thankful that I am here and rocking this mom thing finally.
Up to 1 in 5 mothers in America experience postpartum depression or anxiety. You are not alone.
