Imagine waking up to another day of motherhood. We are meeting the new day with all of the strength and courage we need to take on anything. We walk with our head held high, shoulders back, pride in our hearts. We know we are making ALL of the right decisions for our family and for ourselves, so there is no stress in our lives. We are sure that we are going to make new friends at the playground today, so we don’t worry about what others will think of us.
It’s easy – we have mom-confidence.
What a sec. Scratch that.
Remember waking up this morning? You weren’t sure if you had the strength to go thorugh yet another day of the same stuff. You walked out of your bedroom rubbing your eyes, shoulders hunched, wishing you could take just a second for yourself. You weren’t sure if any decision you were making was the right one and you were definitely nervous about going to the playground and meeting new moms.
This is reality.
This is what motherhood looks like for most of us. Your experience of NOT having mom-confidence is normal. We are right there with you.
You might have other things that steal your confidence from you:
- Confidence in our relationships with our partner
- Confidence in our body image
- Confidence in our boundaries and decisions
- Confidence in taking baby out in public
- Confidence in meeting new mom friends
Not having the confidence in any of these categories is normal, especially if motherhood is new to you. You’ve created this tiny new baby who is looking to you for care and you have had your life turned upside, physically, socially and mentally. I don’t expect you to be confident, mama.
But sit with me for a second. Mom-confidence will come with time. You will learn that you can do all of the things listed below. In the meantime, take it slow. Know that you are doing your best and that is good enough.
I don’t have mom-confidence, yet. What can I do?
Not to fear, mama. While I can’t give you all the confidence with just a blog post (but oh how I wish I could), I do have some ideas of ways that might help. Try them out and let me know how it goes.
>Listen to how you talk to yourself
This goes back to self-compassion. Talk to yourself like you would your best friend. In our Matters of Motherhood Sunday Chat, local therapist Amy Martin, LPC suggested that we put a picture of ourselves as a little girl on our mirror. Talk to yourself like you would talk to her. Be gentle and kind and build yourself up! Write down some affirmations for youself – talking to ourselves in a positive way can actually change the way we think!
>Notice how you hold yourself
Chin up, mama. When you are talking to people, tilt that chin up just slightly. Trust me, I know it sounds silly, but give it a try. Next time you check out at the grocery store, chin up. See how you feel.
Also, relax those shoulders. Your posture can really affect how you feel, so release that tension in your shoulders and walk with your heart shining. YOU matter!
>Stop comparing yourself
We all do it. Instagram can be a thief of joy when it comes to this (I’m not knocking insta, just saying that maybe you could unfollow those moms who make you feel bad about yourself). Follow the moms that are normalizing the struggles of motherhood. And know that YOU and your family are what matters.
>Set boundaries for yourself
Easier said than done, but when I’m talking boundaries here, I mean giving yourself the permission to make decisions that work for your family. Don’t let other people make decisions for you – choose some trusted people and sources that you can rely on and stick to those decisions you make. If you have a thought that maybe you didn’t make a good decision, just remind yourself that you did the best with what you had in the moment and that is okay.
> Take care of yourself
If you aren’t taking care of your own needs, then you will definitely not feel confident in life. Plain hard truth. You’ve gotta take time to love yourself – this can be 30 seconds a day doing something JUST for you. Cut that sandwich in half for yourself. Light that candle in your bathroom. Move your body for just five minutes in a way that makes you feel like you matter.
If I could tell you one thing to help boost your confidence, it would be this: You are a great mother.
Remember this. Write it down and put it on your mirror. Set a reminder on your phone for every 3 hours just to remind yourself that YOU’VE GOT THIS! You have the mom-confidence to love yourself, care for your little one, and keep going. I’m proud of you.