By Stephanie Stauffer, Mom Mentor
Hello ladies, I hope this reading finds you exactly where you need it to. I hope to be writing frequently this year to help build our community a little more as we relate to each other. I found Postpartum Support Charleston through my daughter’s pediatrician. I had a moment in the waiting room where I was asked to fill out one of those questionnaires and decided I’m going to answer it honestly. Normally, I wouldn’t have; I would have tried to normalize my irrational emotions to the lack of sleep, to the adjustment of a new home and new state, or any other excuse I could give other than the truth.
How often had I been bothered by the following things in the last two weeks…
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Little interest or pleasure in doing things?
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Feeling down, depressed or hopeless?
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Trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or sleeping too much?
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Feeling tired or having little energy?
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Poor appetite or overeating?
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Feeling bad about yourself – or that you’re a failure or have let yourself or your family down?
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Trouble concentrating on things, such as reading the newspaper or watching television?
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Moving or speaking slowly that other people could have noticed? Or so fidgety or restless that you have been moving a lot more than usual?
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Thoughts that you would be better off dead, or thoughts of hurting yourself in some way?
As I answered the questions honestly, I didn’t know what was going to happen next. The pediatrician who saw us that day, was just coming back from maternity leave. I think that helped. She understood all the hormones that we can’t control on a personal level. The hormones that affect our thinking, which affects our behavior and completely changes the person we are both in good and bad ways. She must have seen that change in me.
Real mom brain here. I can’t remember what happened next but I somehow ended up with a number for a psychiatrist and Postpartum Support Charleston. I did my due diligence and called the psychiatrist’s office, but did not like what I experienced over the phone. Then, I reached out to Amber Weakley at Postpartum Support Charleston, and it was like receiving a hug through the phone. She was completely understanding, kind and comforting. I was honest and I didn’t feel judged. I went to a few of the peer-led support groups and had a hard time connecting. As a former therapist, I think my mind has a hard time not being a counselor but truly being myself, just another human without the answers but seeking help.
Finding support is so important – a place and/or relationship to share, learn and be known in a safe space. My husband is great but there was a bit of resentment for me in knowing he didn’t truly know what I was going through. Having other mothers, who not only experienced it, but also survived it, was crucial. These are some things I have learned in trying to build that support.
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Establish safety. I pick a topic I can be vulnerable with and share one thing, then I assess how I’m doing. How am I feeling after sharing? What was the energy in the room like? Was the feedback I received helpful?
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Being mindful of my mindset. Am I feeling prideful? Am I willing to ask for help and honestly try what someone else suggests?
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Being honest. I have spent most of my life trying to be something I’m not so being rigorously honest is a huge part of finding the right support. Sometimes people don’t connect immediately or easily, and that’s okay. There is an abundance of people who can help, I need to keep trying despite bad experiences. For all experiences, good and bad, teach me something about myself and what I need.
I’m so grateful for the Postpartum Support Charleston team and all you wonderful ladies. We need each other to be rigorously honest, hopeful and present for our healing. You are not alone. Please let someone know and keep searching until you find the community you deserve.