It’s the last day of the year – December 31. You might be thinking, “What will my New Year’s resolution be this year?” You might be scrolling through your social media looking at everyone who is joining the gym, eating healthier, reading more books, or any of the other New Year’s resolutions that are popular. And while those are great and can really help your mental health as well, I want to propose a New Year’s resolution that all moms NEED.
But first, I have to put this out there. As a new mom, I first want to say that you don’t have to have any resolutions. You are doing your best as you are right now and you don’t need to change anything about yourself. If New Year’s resolutions are stressing you out, then by all means do not force yourself to do any. In fact, give yourself love and understand that you don’t have to commit to change in order to have a good year. (And this, actually, is the exact New Year’s resolution you need – keep reading!)
BUT, if you are someone who feels rejuvinated and excited about the New Year New You idea and if you were to want to make a little change in your everyday life that would benefit you, I would suggest this:
Self-compassion.
That’s right. I propose that EVERY mom could benefit from a little more self-compassion. So, let’s start at the basics.
What is self-compassion and how much work does it require?
Self-compassion by definition is simply turning your compassion inward. Treating yourself like you would your best friend. Loving yourself just a little more and giving yourself grace, kindness and understanding.
And it’s not hard, but just takes a little extra time to think about yourself. Trust me, as a new mom, I know that have zero time to think about anything extra. But self-compassion is a practice that you can do anytime, anywhere. It just takes a little bit of rethinking – stopping yourself when you are headed down a negative self-talk spiral or giving yourself a pep talk when you are feeling down.
Self-compassion can also be a huge tool for your mental health. If you are going through a tough time, whether it’s depression, anxiety, panic attacks or trauma, giving yourself a little extra love is so important. Understanding that what you are going through is NOT your fault, it was not caused by anything you did or didn’t do, and by taking care of yourself and talking to yourself with gentleness and kindness, you will get well.
Every single person can benefit from self-compassion, but especially new moms. Amongst all of the diaper changes, sleepless nights, feeding challenges and difficult boundaries with families and friends, just a little extra love for yourself can really make a difference. It can change the thoughts of, “This is so hard – I am not made to be a mother” to “This is hard because motherhood is hard but I am doing my best.”
See, just that little change in the way you think about yourself can bring on a sigh of relief. Do you feel that?
How do I learn self-compassion?
Thankfully, there are so many self-compassion exercises, books, website and podcasts out there that can help. The more you practice self-compassion, the more it will come naturally and you won’t have to think about it – loving yourself will be easy in times when it used to be hard.
Here is a list of my favorite self-compassion exercises and resources:
Kristin Neff’s Self-Compassion Website
This website is FULL of amazing self-compassion exercises, guided practices and free emails about self-compassion.
The Transformative Effects of Mindful Self-Compassion
This is an article that really lays out everything you would need ot know about self-compassion and even has some exercises for you!
How to Practice Self-Compassion: 8 Techniques and Tips
Here is a really comprehensive guide including other resources like books, journal prompts, and affirmations you can use.
Brené Brown is the Queen of self-compassion – this is a wonderful book.
Start there. Remember that you can dive in deep with self-compassion and practice every day, or you can take it in small steps, remembering to practice when you can and knowing that even the slightest transformation in the way you think about and love yourself can truly make a difference.
You are doing some amazing work, mama. Your baby is so lucky to have you. You matter.